Black Friday is a famous shopping day involving great sales, discounts and deals, but it can also be a day filled with stress, fury, and chaos, as millions of shoppers hit the streets to find the best offers. Below we review our top 10 choices of strong-willed TV characters that would make ideal Black Friday teammates.
Whilst we would never condone violence, we definitely need some strong willed people on our side if we’re going to make it out of Black Friday alive.
Bernardette Wolowitz, The Big Bang Theory
Let’s be honest – despite her small size, high-pitched voice, and outwardly sweet demeanor, Bernardette is actually really scary. She doesn’t let her man, Howard, get away with his childish and awkward habits and even her own boss is afraid of her. She’s one tough cookie and won’t stand crybabies, once stating: “Nobody likes a crybaby except for their mommies and Democrats”.
She also once admitted to getting hungry by watching flesh-eating-bacteria skeletonize small rodents in the lab. So, when there’s one plasma TV left on the shelf this Black Friday and there’s multiple people going for it at the same time, our money would be on Bernardette.
Raymond Reddington, The Blacklist
Raymond Reddington, or just “Red” for short, is quite simply a badass criminal mastermind. He’s catalogued as number 4 on the FBI’s most wanted list who he somehow also works with bringing down other bad guys like himself. He’s genius at getting out of impossible situations, so what better partner to have by your side during the chaotic Black Friday sales?
Red also has a fleet of criminals working behind the scenes for him, so chances are, he has inside links to the companies with the best doorbusting deals. Red won’t be up early waiting in line though – he’ll rock up at the last minute and have a shipment of 80% off iPads waiting for him at the loading dock to sell on for profits.
He once stated, “I’m the snake in the grass”, so no one will even see him coming.
Monica Geller, Friends
Monica Geller is highly competitive and does not enjoy losing. She does, however, follow the rules to a T, claiming they’re in place to help “control the fun”. Remember that lengthy game of Ping-Pong she had with Mike in Barbados or the arm wrestle she had with bunny Chandler at the Halloween party? Yeah, okay, maybe she temporarily lost her apartment to the boys in a trivia game, but she was willing to go to great lengths to get it back (admittedly only by having to kiss Rachel). Monica Geller does not lose.
And, Monica is competitive even when it comes to herself, exclaiming, “This [Thanksgiving] dinner is gonna be so great! In your face, last year ‘me!’” Monica would be the first in line on Black Friday for the doorbusting deals and her scrappy will-to-win attitude would have her scoring all the hot items.
Walter White, Breaking Bad
Walter White was one of those people who used to easily blend into the crowd, but once we really got to know him, we all realized he’s one scary dude. He went from having a monotonous job as a high school chemistry teacher to making millions as a drug lord, all whilst battling cancer. He even had a clandestine alias, known as ‘Heisenberg’ and, let’s face it, once you have an alias, well, that just makes you a certified badass.
The balded and goateed ’Heisenberg’ version of Walter White would be the best choice to take with you on Black Friday. One scowl from him and everyone will simply step aside, giving you access to all the best discounted goods. “We’re done when I say we’re done”, he’ll say again.
Mindy Lahiri, The Mindy Project
Minday Lahiri would definitely be the most fun to have as a shopping buddy on Black Friday. She’s got a quirky sense of style and everything that comes out of that girl’s mouth is pure comedy. She’s also good at talking her way out of things like that time when she got pulled over by a cop and successfully dodged getting a ticket. “Lying and crying” are one of her many talents and being able to produce fake tears on Black Friday will definitely be in her favor. She’ll guilt that old lady next to her into giving her the last reduced Macbook. She’ll then whisper to you with a cheeky smile: ‘Old lady just got served’.
The only problem might be getting her up at the crack of dawn, as she once stated, “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it”. Hm, but we have a plan! We’ll just convince her we’re taking her to see one of her celeb idols like Taylor Swift or Kim Kardashian. Once she gets there, she’ll forget about them and having to wake up early, distracted by all the pretty shoes and diamante covered handbags. Oh, Mindy. We love you.
Steve McGarrett, Hawaii 5-0
Lieutenant Steve McGarrett, a former Navy Seal, is a great choice to bring along for the Black Friday sales, as he always seem to get out of impossible situations unscathed. He’s also ace at parkour – always jumping over obstacles, across building, and over cars to catch the bad guy. Those skills will definitely translate when it comes time to run from the front entrance to the back of the store where there are just 10 TVs marked down by 75%.
McGarrett is also extremely dreamy, so we’d use his smashing good looks to distract other shoppers. One smile from McGarrett and they’ll forget what they’re even doing there. He once stated, “You do realize that I’m fabulously gorgeous, don’t you?” Admittedly, he said that to his partner in crime, Danny. But, meanwhile, we’ve snatched up all the best goods and already checked out at the register. Lieutenant, we salute you!
Haley Dunphy, Modern Family
As an assistant to a designer, Haley Dunphy is the go-to girl for all things fashion and would make a brilliant teammate if you’re after more of the luxury clothing items. How else would we know which discounted Christian Louboutins to buy to match our 50% off D&G leather tote? “With great hotness comes great responsibility”, she once stated.
Yes, she takes fashion very seriously, but she’s also quite the rebel, usually going against what her parents say to do her own thing. Rebelliousness is just what we need to overtake some of those obstinate Black Friday shoppers. And, Haley would also be a good resource should you need to fend off a young male shopper with the last reduced Kindle in his hand. A simple bat of the eyelashes from Haley with a ‘pretty please’ and that Kindle will be yours.
Michael Scofield, Prison Break
Michael Scofield is a hardcore planner. The guy actually put himself into a high security prison so that he could break out his brother. He also tattooed the blue prints of the prison onto his entire body, along with clues that helped him later down the line. If that’s not dedication, we don’t know what is. Scofield plans for the unplanned and his Black Friday strategy would be completely organized if not tattooed all over his body. Well, if there were any space left.
If the man can successfully escape from a highly secured prison and get away with it, we strongly believe he can also conquer a few measly Black Friday sales. He once stated, “Preparation can take you only so far, after that you’ve got to take a few leaps of faith”. With Michael’s determination, he’ll help us score the best deals.
Emily Thorne, Revenge
Emily Thorne, or so she calls herself, lives for the sole purpose of avenging her father’s wrongful imprisonment. The girl even changed her name and assumed a new identity to get close to the people that wronged her family in order to bring them down. This is exactly the kind of can-do attitude we want on our team come Black Friday. Also, one cold, icy glance from her and crowds will disperse.
She once stated, “Nature can be cruel. Predators are everywhere”. She being the predator, of course. So, back off world, Emily will be the Thorne in your side come Black Friday.
Tony Soprano, The Sopranos
Tony Soprano would do Black Friday like a Boss. He doesn’t miss a trick and if ever you needed a teammate for Black Friday, Tony is the man. We’re definitely not suggesting you use him to start murdering off your competition, but the guy is notorious and feared. Use this to your advantage when it comes to grabbing the last discounted box set of the Sopranos.
From a man who says things like, “I wipe my ass with your feelings”, there’s a pretty good chance he’s not going to give a damn who he offends or leaves in the dust come the morning of Black Friday.